Every Shit Test: 83 Examples & Responses

According to the Game Glossary, a ‘shit test’ is ‘something that a woman has said to a man that will, based on his response, give her information on whether or not he is strong enough to be worthy of being a boyfriend or sexual partner‘.

When I first read the book The Game by Neil Strauss and plunged into the weird rabbit hole that is the underground pickup artist world, the term shit test was thrown around more times than a beachball at a Marshmello concert.

I struggled to understand what the term ‘shit test’ meant for a number of years.

It was confusing, but it was also such a weird term that didn’t explain much in and of itself. I figured that it was just another one of those lousy terms made up by some nerds who call themselves ‘pickup artists’. But then that was until I realized that the term ‘shit test’ is ultimately referring to a ‘frame test‘, and was actually extremely useful to know about; especially for your verbal game.

 

 

The Complete Shit Test List

So let’s make it so much simpler and list as many of these so-called shit test examples as possible.

Actually, let’s go beyond that. I am writing this post based on the weekly posts I have been making in the Game Global Facebook group, a series we call ‘Shit Test Of The Week’. So this is also an opportunity to give you some of the best responses from the comments, which are immediately below each shit test on the list.

Some of the shit tests are probably not even shit tests and are just thrown in for the fun, but others can be quite common and will come in very handy.

If you think we missed some examples of a shit test, drop me a message on Facebook and suggest them. This shit test list was updated regularly over the period of 2 years and has now been completed.

 

“We’re not having sex tonight”

• “I know, you have to meet my parents first.”
• “I don’t believe in sex before marriage. Don’t think for a minute that you could tempt me, I shall not burn in Hell just because you couldn’t control yourself.”
• “I didn’t say anything about that, but okay.”
• “That is okay. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
• “I know, I’m on my period.”
• “Why are you bringing up sex?”

 

“I only date guys above 6ft”

• “Cool, me too.”
• “I only date girls who wear high heels.”

“Is that a girl messaging you?”

• “No. You’re the only one I’m interested in right now.”
• “Yes.”

 

“I don’t give my phone number to anyone”

• “You don’t have to give it to me, just rent it and I’ll give it back to you later.”
• “Thank God I’m not anyone.
• “You don’t have a phone? Do you at least have a carrier pigeon, Facebook or fax machine?”

 

“I have a boyfriend”

• “How long have you had that problem?”
• “What’s a boyfriend?”
• “Cool, I like the fact that someone’s looking after you when I’m not around.”
• “Nice, he can make us breakfast in bed.”

 

“Are you a virgin?”

• “No, I prefer coconut oil. Are you offering me a massage?”
• “Yes. Promise you’ll be gentle?”
• “Only anally.”
• “Yes, ma’am. I’m more pure than the good Lord himself.”

 

“You’re a player, aren’t you?”

• “Don’t tell my mom.”
• “No, I’m still virgin.”

 

“Are you hitting on me?”

• “Yes, is it working?”
• “No, God is watching.”

 

“You’re too old”

• “Too old for what, dear?”
• “Are you insecure about your age?”
• “Nobody is too old. Look at how amazing Dick Van Dyke is.”

 

“I bet you say that to all the girls”

• “You’re the first girl I ever talked to.”
• “Let me guess, you’re the jealous type?”
• “Are you judging me?”
• “No, I’m a virgin.”

 

“You’re just looking for sex”

• “Well, you’ll have to meet my parents first.”
• “I’m a Christian man with Christian values.”
• “Where is it?”

 

“You probably have a small dick”

• “Why are you discussing my intimate body parts in public? That’s creepy and that’s sexual harassment.”
• “Yes, and it gets even smaller when it’s hard.”
• “It’s only small when I’m around you.”
• “You probably have a huge vagina.”

 

“Where are your friends?”

• “Those lazy cunts are probably watching fucking Netflix or something. I’m on my own!”
• “I thought we just met. You already want to meet my friends? This is moving so fast…”
• “My friend actually found a girl and they hit it off.”
• “I don’t have any friends.”

 

“You’re too young”

• “It’s just my good Asian genes. It makes me look younger than I actually am.”

 

“What’s your vaccination status?”

• “When I was in high school, they gave me a vaccine. The woman asked me what I had for breakfast. As soon as I opened my mouth, she jabbed it into me. That was cheeky.”
• “Should I get a lawyer before going any further?”

 

“You’re not my type”

• “Oh, well, we can’t all have good taste.”
• “Yes, let’s be honest, I’m not anyone’s type.”
• “Girl, I’m trying to hit, not donate blood.”
• “Sorry, they castrated me at birth, hey ho.”

 

“How many girls have you slept with?”

• “I don’t sleep with women. I am wide awake the whole night with them.”
• “All of them.”
• “Are you just indirectly asking how many sex diseases I have?”

 

“I don’t know you”

• “How did your mom meet your dad?”
• “Let’s change that.”

 

“Buy me a drink”

• “You see that guy over there? He’ll buy you a drink. Then come back and talk to me.”
• “Does that usually work on other guys?”
• “I’ll buy you a drink if I find you interesting.”

 

“Can we be just friends?”

• “Yes.” (And continue doing whatever you were doing)

 

“What are we?”

• “Oh no, my free trial has expired.”
• “COVID survivors.”
• “A few drinks away from creating memories we will smirk at in 5 years.”

 

“Is that your pickup line?”

• “Be patient, it’s coming.”
• “You want me to pick you up and we only just met? I thought you were a good girl.”
• “Not yet. I’m interviewing you first.”

 

“Do you always approach strangers?”

• “Yes, but not in public toilets.”
• “Everyone I know was a stranger once.”
• “Yeah, mostly everywhere. But the urinals are my favorite spot.”

 

“I need to get to know you first”

• “We just met, and you’re trying to make me your boyfriend already?”
• “I appreciate that. You could be a maniac.”

 

“Do you do this for every girl you go on a date with?”

• “Only on Thursdays.”
• “No, only the ones I like.”
• “Yes, do you like it?”

 

“Can you wait here?”

• “Do an animal noise before you leave.”
• “Can you bring me a coffee with no sugar?”
• “Yes.” (But do the opposite and leave)

 

“When was the last time you had a girlfriend?”

 

“You look old”

• “Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.”
• “Indeed I am.”

 

“The guy is supposed to pay for the date”

• “What’s the girl supposed to do?”
• “Are you assuming my gender?!”
• “Oh, so your love language is tags and receipts? Got it.”
• “Good thing we aren’t on a date right now.”
• “That’s what the patriarchy has conditioned us to believe, but we’re better than that, aren’t we?”

 

“Aw, are you upset?”

• “Yeah, I just found out I could have saved 15% or more on my car insurance.”

 

“You’re boring”

• “Wait until I show you my stamp collection.”
• “My mom says I’m cool.”

 

“When’s the last time you were with a girl?”

• “Right now.”
• “About 15 minutes before I met you.”
• “Did you just assume their gender?!”

 

“What are you looking for?”

• “I don’t like forcing labels. I prefer to be adventurous, have fun and allow what develops to develop.”
• “A million dollars and three Hawaiian islands.”
• “I’m looking for my wife. Have you seen her?”

 

“I’m just looking to make friends”

• “Me too! I’m not really good at relationships.”
• “That’s the best way to start anything.”

 

“Ew, no thanks”

• “Why are you being so mean? My friendship coach is going to hear about this.”

 

“You’re weak”

• “Is that your pickup line?”
• “Must be the 6 kids I have.”

 

“I’m not that kind of girl”

• “Good, I was worried you were taking advantage of me.”
• “Good, because I’m looking for a good Christian woman with values.”

 

“You dress like a dork”

• “I lost a bet, what’s your excuse?”
• “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
• “Oh, really? How would you dress me?”
• “Really? My mom picked it out for me and said I looked handsome.”

 

“I don’t like your shirt”

• “What a nice way to tell me you want to take it off.”
• “Oh yeah? How would you dress me?”
• “Is this your way of getting me to strip?”

 

“I have to go”

• “Yeah, that’s it. Leave me like dog in the rain!”

 

“I don’t go out with a man who doesn’t pick me up and drop me off”

• “Nice. That’s something we have in common.”
• “Cool, no problem.”
• “I knew you would be high maintenance.”
• “Are you an independent and emancipated woman?”
• “I bench 180, that’s my limit.”

 

“I don’t meet men in random places”

• “Ah, I thought you were more adventurous. That’s a shame.”
• “Where did your mom meet your dad?”

 

“I only go out with gentlemen”

• “Noted. So you want me to be gentle. So spanking and choking are out then. What’s your opinion on hair pulling?”
• “I’m a dominant kind of guy. Is that gonna be a problem?”

 

“I don’t meet men on the street”

• “You just did.”
• “You should meet me at the coffee shop over there. What’s your favorite book?”

 

“You’re balding”

• “Anyone can grow hair. It takes a real man to wear it out.”
• “I guess the carpet finally matches the drapes.”
• “I’m going Andrew Tate style. Thank you.”
• “You always notice the little details about me.”
• “That’s the down side of having too much testosterone.”

 

“I only talk to hot guys”

• “Thanks.”
• “Nice to meet you.”
• “Me too.”

 

“You probably wear shoe lifts”

• “I’m actually tall but I wear reverse shoe lifts so really short girls won’t hit on me.”
• “I’m also wearing a wig and fake boobs.”

 

“You look like a player”

• “I used to be a volleyball coach, if that means anything.”
• “What does a player look like?”

 

“You should shave”

• “You too.”
• “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

 

“I don’t like your shoes”

• “Your uterus your choice, my feet my choice.”
• “Left the good pair at home, wanna go grab them with me real quick?”
• “Already picturing us buying shoes together? How cute.”
• “If your heels are not 8 inches high, I’m not your guy.”

 

“Your beard would be better if it was shorter”

• “It’s obvious you and I would never work out. Everything about me is longer and you like things shorter.”
• “No.”
• “So would your muff.”

 

“What are your pronouns?”

• “Flee and run. Have a good day.”
• “Daddy/father.”

 

“Did your mommy dress you?”

• “What?! Are you insulting my mom’s tastes? She dresses me… Tssss, go away now, I don’t even want to speak with you anymore, shoo shoo!”

 

“I don’t like fuckboys”

• “Yeah, me too.”
• “I don’t like to fuck boys either.”
• “Sex is meaningless without connecting with each other first.”

 

“I identify as a Latinx cis-female, what about you?”

• “Cool, first time meeting someone from that planet.”

 

“Don’t expect me to sleep with you”

• “I don’t expect anything from you.”
• “No worries, I’m saving myself till marriage.”
• “Cool, I didn’t want to make you sleep tonight.”

 

“You’re so much younger than me”

• “Yes, mommy.”
• “Are you into Sigmund Freud?”

 

“Are you a pickup artist?”

• “I’m too shy for that.”
• “Don’t tell my mom.”

 

“Is this one of your ‘routines’ from The Game?”

• “Can you teach me?”

 

“What religion do you identify as?”

• “I’m working on launching my own cult. Wanna join?”
• “Definitely Mormon. Want to join the sister wives?”
• “Polyamorous is my religion, wanna join?”

 

“I’m just not looking to date right now”

• “Yeah, dating is the worst. Being lonely is the best.”

 

“You’re too nice for me”

• “That’s not what the vicar told me when I was an alter boy.”
• “I don’t think you can handle my darker side.”

 

“You’re weird”

 

“What makes you think I want to meet you?”

• “We’ve made it this far.”
• “My horoscope.”

 

“You sound so vain”

• “So tell me about yourself.”

 

“Your hands are cold, are you stressed?”

• “You should see my heart.”
• “Why? Are you a masseuse?”

 

“Do you like that girl?”

• “Her shoes aren’t cool enough.”
• “Yes. Would you make out with her if I ask her to come over?”

 

“You’re still in love with your ex”

• “Jealousy is a cruel mistress. I don’t date strippers anymore.”
• “Do you know her at all?”

 

“You’re probably poor”

• “I’m so poor I can’t even afford to pay attention.”
• “So poor the only way I can afford spam is when I open my email.”

 

“I don’t date short guys”

• “Date? I haven’t even decided if I like you yet.”
• “Cool. Neither do I.”

 

“I’m mad at you”

• “And we aren’t even married yet. What an achievement!”
• “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”

 

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

• “Is that the only thing you have to offer?”
• “I never talk to pretty girls, I’m way too shy for that.”

 

“Do you think I’m fat?”

• “Don’t eat me!”

 

“How do I know you’re not a serial killer?”

• “Come to my basement and find out.”
• “I use my basement dungeon for something completely different.”
• “How many murders does it take to qualify?”
• “I haven’t started the Slipknot playlist yet.”

 

“Why should I trust you?”

• “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here with me.”

 

“Why are you being nice to me?”

• “I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but your parents are paying me to.”
• “I need to balance my karma a little.”

 

“This is my boyfriend”

• “Do you love him even when he plays video games?”

 

“Do you have any friends?”

• “Murderous psychopaths don’t have friends.”
• “Well, I have Siri and Alexa.”

 

“Why would I go out with you?”

• “Don’t worry, I’ll have you back before your bedtime.”
• “Slow down, I gotta put you on probation first before we go out. You could be crazy.”
• “You’re 25 years old or something. You should be able to come up with your own reasons and make your own decisions.”

 

“Why aren’t you drinking?”

• “Are you trying to take advantage of me?”
• “Because I don’t need alcohol to feel horny.”

 

“Why are you nervous?”

• “My inner animal is a chihuahua.”
• “Me, nervous? Never.” *Starts shaking hands*

 

“Is your dick big enough for me?”

• “Have you ever needed to use lube and painkillers?”
• “Maybe we’ll find out one day.”
• “Fair maiden, this is not lady-like behavior. Please return yourself to your chamber at once and think about the consequences.”

 

“You’re not funny”

• “That’s why I used to be a comedian.”
• “Neither is John Wick, unless you find killing people with a pencil funny.”
• “Wasn’t trying to be.”
• “Still waiting for you to make me laugh.”

 

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